Now and then, I give a good stare in to the mirror. Trying to make out the little changes that happen to the person in front over time. It’s just really god damn weird to think about. The fact that I’m the same person as the one year old in the five by seven frame sitting on the wall. Like how? I used to think being a teenager was something that would never happen. How did I even manage to make it here? I swear I’m a different person each year. How am I even alive? It’s just really weird. You know? It’s even weirder to think that in ten years that I’ll be an entirely new person, and no matter what I do I won’t be able to imagine the person. I used to say as a seven year old that I would never stop playing with my toys ,but that changed. I know it’s a weak example but still. I just really like that about life. The way every day can seem monotonous ,but in the end it’s completely unpredictable and incredibly different. I really hope when I die I get to look back at every minute of what was happening. That would be cool.
prose p365 twitter flickr about following 52weeks archive ask
I’m pretty sure everyone once in their life has attempted to witness the sun rise or sun come down. From what I realized from my failed attempts, it’s virtually impossible to see the gradual change of colors. It just wasn’t meant for the human eye. It doesn’t matter if you lie down there for hours just staring up; the colors don’t change to you. It’s just the same color. You might realize that the color is different from ten minutes ago, but the color seems like the same color the whole time. It’s freaking incredible that God has made something like that. I just wanted to point that out.
You know what’s weird? You see the moon at night every day, and you’re like yeah that’s pretty. It’s always there, but then once in a while you kind of just watch it, and then it’s jaw dropping amazing. You try to take photos, but no camera can actually capture the brilliance of the moon at that moment. Then, you start thinking about it, and it’s crazy to think that this moon is not just your moon. It’s the moon of your neighbors and everyone at your school and everyone in the state and everyone in the world. That’s kind of fucking crazy. Every human being in the world (or at least I hope) has seen the same exact moon, and it’s weird. It’s hard to add that all up that everyone has seen the same exact moon. Not only that, everyone throughout the history of time has seen the moon, and it’s weird to think that the names in your history book saw the same exact moon. It makes you think how the moon has inspired art, music, entertainment, thoughts, actions. Wow. I don’t know. It’s all so strange because just yesterday wasn’t it just a moon to you? And today, the whole world is enamored by the one constant thing in your life. Wow. Just wow.
I’m alive, and so are you. Even the ghosts that are reading this are alive right now. So, go outside and scream it to the world. Watch your neighbors come out and just start dancing. Breathe the air! Your lungs are working! Scream some more! Hear your voice echo until it hit’s the atmosphere. Run and jump but feel the ground beneath you. You’re not falling! You can do anything. Climb a tree. Tell someone you love them. Steal something. Pray to god. Get intoxicated. Lick an ice cream cone. Oh god, get off your computer right now. Turn up your music and dance on your bed. Send texts to the people you haven’t talked to since middle school. Feel life infuse into your bloodstream again. Take those old teddy bears and stuffed animals from the top of your closet and play make believe. Pretend you’re a spy. Smoke weed and then call the cops on your life. Get in a fight. Feel blood come out. You’re alive! It’s working. Stop reading this. Fall down. Call me tacky. Argue on someone with omegle. Buy something expensive. Go into debt. Go to the visit the white house and meet the president. THE WORLD IS YOURS.
Staring at stars isn’t profound. It’s beautiful. It’s mere coincidence that people find their lives insignificant after looking out into the blanket of stars. For me, I find it as if I’m suffocating. The burning spherical Hydrogen isn’t interesting. It’s how you get closer to them if you stare at them real close. The way where you’re sandwiched between the ground beneath you and the blanket on top of you. It makes me want to show my significance even more. I want to be a distinguished flavor in this consumable analogy. Why should I wait to be consumed with everyone else? I don’t need to be eighteen, twenty five, thirty, fifty, a hundred to prove myself. Who decided that the license gave one freedom? College, the drinking age, a first house, the first kid, the first grandchild? Why are we waiting? Freedom is the first step in front of us. Nothing is stopping us. Except the whole fucking galaxy. I guess it is profound, but it’s not profound where it makes you realize your insignificance. Or maybe it is? Maybe stars were there to just get us thinking.
I’m in a hotel room lying on this bed thinking about all the people who have ever been in this room. I’m breathing the same air the pilgrims had when they found America. The same air from when I was born. I can feel the notes from piano keys and guitar strums bouncing from side to side in my rib cages while the city stands still. I want to scream the melodious skeleton out to the world on this California balcony. I’m on the verge of purging all the words I’ve ever read. This is what must feel like to feel alive.
Right now, life feels like a book. I love it. I love life, and I love every single moment of it, but I want to fast forward to the end. I am dying to know the conclusion of junior year, the conclusion of senior year, and the conclusion for every year for the rest of my life. At the same time, I know I’m going to deeply miss what I had when I had it.
People always say they want to go out of state for college because they hate everyone here, and they want a new start. I would love to go out of state for so many reasons, but I doubt that’s going to happen because I would be in a financial tumult if that were to happen. I would love to go out of state because I love the feeling of homesickness. I want to crave my home, and I want to come back during the breaks and just love the city that is my home. I want to feel, live, and breathe a new state. I want to meet new people, and I want to be judged by a completely different set of people. I want something new. Sure I love it here in this city, but I want to experience as much as this world while I have the time to experience it. I don’t know why, but the thought that people I never met before in my life from places around the world just really excites me. I love the idea that I knew nothing about them, but then I’m going to be at college with them. I guess you can argue that Texas is a big state, but I’ve been around Texas, and I want something completely new. I don’t know.
You always see these pictures of Earth floating in the middle of a dark space. The truth is the Earth is falling down; it’s falling down fast. Today, I can feel it falling, and I don’t know where it’s falling down to, but I can feel the rush that the Earth feels. It’s like when you’re in the middle of a book, and it just keeps going and going. In one way, the Earth never wants this to end, but at the same time it wants to feel the conclusion. That’s where I am right now. I’m the falling Earth, and I swear new ideas and new feelings are coming every time I even feel. It’s like I can see an eight color coming out of the color spectrum ,or that I figured out where each music note stimulates the brain. It’s indescribable. It’s a new page, a new note, a new color. What is it? I don’t know.
Take the colors of the room you’re sitting in right now. Grab each color tight and whisper to them softly what you’re feeling. Let the happiness or sadness seep into these colors. Then let you’re body fill up with all the colors in the room. Let the red diffuse into your blood stream. Let the oranges and yellows give your skin the sense of fulfillment. Let the green and blue melt into the farthest corners of your body giving you the sense of relaxation. Let the lovely colors of purple and pink float away to the brain. Feel contagious.
Let’s feel good about nothing. For no reason, we’re all going to sit down and smile. We’re not going to rely on some drug or a person. Everyone is just going to sit there and be plain out happy; the kind of happy that when people walk by, they can’t help wondering ‘what can make a person that happy?’. So put on that silly smile, and instead of thinking about what you did wrong yesterday and what’s going wrong tomorrow, just smile. Stop looking for reasons to be happy. Ever wondered how some people can be so happy? The answer was these people never needed one.
